wings.

why do i need wings you ask?
it is to be free
free from myself
free from the hatred and wounds from the past
free from what ever that is holding me back
to be free from me
so that i can fly
and sore my wings to the sky
so i can run to the future
so that i won't be afraid
so that i can become what ever i want to
so that i will be free

.

 i can not help but cry every time i see your face.

 i cannot believe that this heart was so easily wounded. the scar you made is so big that no amount of trust or love could fix it. i could gather all the threads and needle and sew it back together, but it would never be the same. and i would bleed and bleed and bleed while i fix it but it would never be as painful as the stab you left there. and no, these tears they won't fall far you. i would never let them. not for you.

i never was anything to you was i?

i keep it inside. i fill it up with all these feelings. my mind has words. but my mouth is mute. i have so much to vomit. but nothing would come out. and because i try my best with all my will power and strength to keep it in. sealed. inside this little heart. but one day it'll explode. and i cannot wait till that day. i cannot wait to explode

 because i want to

menunggu menunggu masih menunggu lagi. tapi sampai bila? hati dah keras ni. tapi masih mengharap mengharap mengharap lagi. membodoh kan diri lagi. dah lah.cukup. dia tak ada. he never was.

what people don't really know about me:

1. i'm a passimist
2. i'm depressed most of the times
3. i get frustrated easily
4. i hate myself
5. i'm a good actor

have ever been in so much pain that even when you try to smile, tears come out?

just sit in silence

there's faith and there's sleep

we need to pick one please

faith is to be awake

and to be awake is for us to think

and for us to think is to be alive 

and i will try with every rhyme 

to come across like i am dying 

to let you know you need to try to think

I'm lonely. I miss my friends. I'm stressimg out. I'm tired. And i miss him. So much.

don't come near. i'll drive you away

                 i don't want to hate me. but i do.

someone? somebody out there? please save me.

she'll bloom someday

             

                    what are wings made of you say?

courage. that's what it is. courage

cancer.

how can you be free from yourself?

hmm hmm hmm

girl wonder. wonder girl. wondering girl. wandering girl. girl won de(the)...wonder woman. wonder girls. wonder grills. grilling wonder. wondering grills. grilling. grills. grilly grills. grilling girls (ew that sounds weird) weee ird eird wird word

okay this post does not make any sense. have not any sense. no sensibility. just laying my thoughts into visible words so that i might improve my writing. is this how people do it actually? is this how people improve their writing skills? by talking shit in their blogs? yeah. i doubt that.

AWKWAARDDD

i hate it when i'm shy and quiet and nervous around certain people. i don't know why. maybe its because of my lack of sociability when i was younger (thanks momm (Y)) And this happens especially with older people and people i just met. I tend to be reeaaallly polite and try to avoid eye contacts because i feel really awkward  looking at them in the face. and i especially hate awkward silences. its like in that moment you're trying to think of a topic to chat about and by thinking that, you are actually blocking your thoughts because when you're thinking about thinking about something it actually makes you think about that thought thus blocking it and thus not making you think of anything else. okay, that's confusing. and saying thinking over and over again makes the word weird. thinkingthinkingthinkingthinkingthinking. okay it definitely is. i'm gonna stop now. talking about thinking makes me not want to think. bye


oh i just realized that i ended up talking about thinking when my intention was actually to talk about my social awkwardness. sooo there's nothing i can do much about that then? okay. hm. bye.

depressed most of the time

i love melancholic and emo songs. that makes me.. ? 

this about a jerk

motivation smotisvastionszss

hellooo there..
 i haven't been posting anything lately because i've been busy with my internship. sooo the reason i'm here again (hoping not to abandon this blog <again>) is that i have agendas/resolutions/plans/things/stuff to do prior to my self improvement which includes:

1. more reading
2. more writing
3. more sketchy drawy stuff
4. more exercise
5. more guitar practice

thus i will force myself to do every one of those stuff at least once a week  and post some of it here. cept for the guitar stuff. that there is for meyy and mey onleyyy but that won't matter because no one's gonna read my posts anyways. hmph. yeah. :I

*self motivation video for self*

"skills are only developed by hours and hours and hours and hours of beating on your craft"

-will smith-

way to get motivated