i am the definition of boredom.
i don't talk much. i wouldn't know what to talk about if i wanted to. i don't really enjoy being around strangers. i like to be alone. but sometimes it gets lonely. and then i'd get depressed. and then i'd try socializing. but it will eventually turn out me being awkward. and me thinking what people would think about me. and then it will turn out me being alone again. and then cycle goes on and on and on and on. i think this is why i don't have much friends. boohoo padan muka

2014

i thought that i'd feel differently reading through these posts of mine. but i don't. the feelings are still there. i still feel the same as i did before. i still feel like i'm in this invisible cage. restricted. confined. when am i going to be free? i don't know. i only know now that i've changed a bit. i have a place of refuge now. i only will seek for Him. and only Him. Oh Allah, i seek guidance. i want to change. its hard, so help me. please.


oh, and hello again, whoever is out there. if there is any.

wings.

why do i need wings you ask?
it is to be free
free from myself
free from the hatred and wounds from the past
free from what ever that is holding me back
to be free from me
so that i can fly
and sore my wings to the sky
so i can run to the future
so that i won't be afraid
so that i can become what ever i want to
so that i will be free